Horror Movies, Movie Reviews

The Worst Horror Movie Ever?

Have I seen the worst horror movie ever?

I watched “Night of Something Strange” the other night. I can confidently say it was terrible. Yes, it was low budget. Yes, the acting (?) was atrocious. Yes, the effects make you want to cry (for a multitude of reasons). But the zombie rape scenes were what really took the cake.

You read that correctly – zombie rape scenes. What do I mean by that? The zombies, infected with STDs, force themselves upon their victims, infecting , violating, and killing them. That’s not a funny, no matter which way you slice it.

Believe me, I understand that the filmmakers were going for kitsch, and a lighthearted, underground, comedic feel. But how a whole cast and crew could make something this blatantly offensive is beyond me. The poster initially grabbed my attention. Spooky, yet new-wave. Bloody, yet stylish. Unfortunately, that’s where the creativity ends. I wanted to give this movie the benefit of the doubt. Like, it was for a film school project? On the first day?

"Night of Something Strange" movie poster
The bomb-ass movie poster

But wait, there’s more! That’s not the only thing that’s wrong. Here’s a list:

  1. The aforementioned zombie rape scenes, obviously.
  2. The bootleg Adam Devine they hired as the hero. He’s got Short-Dude Syndrome (trying to make up for his lack of height in bravado, sex, and guns.) (It doesn’t work.) Trying to be a sexier version of him can’t be done. Adam Devine has crafted his grace, beauty, and hilarity into one original package. Give it up, Derk.

    Adam Devine shirtless
    What a darling
  3. The out-of-date clothing that the whole lot of them wear. Was the cast born in 1976? From double tank tops to ill-fitting bras, it smacks of what teenagers today really wear.
  4. The overt fart, shit, and blood humour. Really?
  5. The practical and special effects are downright silly. Coming from someone who actually went to school for makeup artistry (and knows bad SFX makeup when I see it), it makes sense they went through three makeup artists during the whole process (AND added digital masking in post-production). You clearly see the youth of the convenience store clerk  shining through– if you can tell someone is hot when they are supposed to look haggard, you done fucked up, A-a-ron.
  6. I understand why the acting was so poor because the dialogue was so. Damn. Bad. Did a fourth-grader write this script? It’s a plausible explanation of what the writers believe is funny.

I’ll give it a few… well, I don’t want to say, “redeeming qualities”, but maybe “not as bad factors”:

  • The film quality itself was excellent. Must’ve had a great camera
  • The score wasn’t bad. Yup.
  • ???

The cringe is strong with this one.

In another scene, a character comes into his hotel room, mistakes his heavyset friend for his slim girlfriend and proceeds to fuck him, noting that his “two clits” are so big. What are they teaching kids in American schools these days?

It turns into a “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” scene at one point, leaving me scratching my head. After the unexpected cannibalistic twist, the remaining kids were faced with a… tentacle… coming out of their friend’s vagina? So, a Lovecraftian nightmare now? What a… twist? The end shows the start of a post-apocalyptic world with the hero running off, eschewing the help of rednecks. The hero then meets his demise in front of a truck.

The end.

Good.

 

Grumpy Cat being held
Exactly

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