A Heroic Tale
If you’re reading this, I have succumbed to necrosis of the skin. Indeed, it has consumed the largest organ of my body. Had I time to write a will, I would have gifted you all my earthly possessions (see: my black leather Demonia boots). Instead, I have chosen to write this blog about a great evil, one that hides upon the shelves of Wal-Mart, masquerading as helpful tool but, instead, causes great distress and flakiness.
Yes, you guessed correctly, if you guessed instead of weeping for me. That great evil? Sir Benzoyl Peroxide.
My spirits were high as I researched various internet websites for something more intense to help with the acneic nature of my skin. A spot treatment for under $10? It “zaps your zits” in a day? Sign thee up!
With the gusto of a freshly caffeinated businessman, I made off to the local shoppe to acquire this magical potion, unaware of the impending doom that was to befall me. Once home, I applied it generously to the entirety of my face. Oh, indeed, did I ever read the shit out of the back. Did I EVER heed the warnings to use this concoction sparingly, careful as it may stain sheets white, can cause peeling, flaking, etc. Did I heed those warnings?
No, I surely didn’t.
The moneymaker, the visage, the beautiful billboard the world is fortunate enough to see, did not react as imagined. Indeed, my skin started to blanch immediately. To no avail, I took to my chamber to succumb to slumber. Upon greeting the dawn, my face had turned into a red, peeling, flaky monstrosity.
Warm to the touch, my face had indeed reacted quite wrong to Sir Peroxide. I was incensed to act quickly. That quick act, in fact, took several emotionally and physically painful days to rectify. No more Sir BP, I shouted out into the wind! HEAR MY CALL, WORLD! Nothing harsh was to be on my face for at least a week, I proclaimed, as my hair whipped around me. Ravens flew towards the moon. A wolf howled as fog rolled in from the west. Thus, I washed my face, put on my moisturizer and sunscreen, and went about my week in hopes that my beloved mask of facial epidermis would regain its former glory.
Maybe that was a bit dramatic, but, please benzoyl peroxide with caution. Have sensitive skin? Don’t schmear it on every single pore, comedone, and imperfection on your face. Use even LESS than a pea-sized amount every other day and go from there.
Benzoyl peroxide can be helpful as a spot treatment, and oily skin types might even find it more useful. If you choose to use it, no matter your skin type, use a sunscreen, dear GOD, use a sunscreen. Because, do you really want to post a eulogy online for your skin? Didn’t think so.